How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: 5 Effective Techniques

Comparing oneself to others is a habit familiar to almost everyone. It becomes particularly pronounced during pregnancy or after giving birth. It seems like other moms manage better, look calmer, achieve more, and still remain successful in work and life. In these moments, it’s easy to lose confidence and start doubting your own decisions.

Comparison with others often arises unnoticed. One social media post, one friend’s story, one successful outcome of someone else’s work – and a feeling arises that something is wrong with you. This makes the state tense, robs joy from your own small achievements, and gradually lowers your self-esteem.

According to surveys, such a reaction among moms is not uncommon: for example, in one research survey, almost three-quarters of moms (72.5%) admitted to comparing themselves with other moms on social media.

Why We Compare Ourselves to Others: Deep-Seated Reasons

The habit of comparing is instilled in us from childhood. It is important for a person to understand their place among others, to orientate through observation. In everyday life, this helps to adapt, gain experience, and move forward. However, in moments of vulnerability, such as during pregnancy or the early years of motherhood, comparison starts to work against us.

When comparing ourselves to others, people often rely not on real data but on isolated fragments of someone else’s life. We see the result, but we don’t know how much time, effort, and internal doubts were behind it. At the same time, our own efforts are devalued because they seem insufficient.

The social environment plays an additional role. Work, expectations of relatives, stories from other moms who have already been through this path create a sense of constant competition. It seems we need to be successful in everything and right away: to look good, focus on the child’s development, keep up with tasks, and maintain composure. In reality, most people find it difficult to sustain such a load without fatigue and emotional burnout.

Why We Compare Ourselves to Others: Deep-seated Reasons

Constant comparison with others directly impacts self-esteem. When attention is focused on others’ successes, one’s own achievements stop being perceived as significant. Even if many useful things were accomplished in a day, the inner voice can devalue the efforts and amplify feelings of dissatisfaction with oneself. Over time, ordinary comparison easily turns into toxic comparison – when it doesn’t inspire but constantly eats away at confidence and strength.

Over time, this manifests in specific states:

• there is a feeling that any efforts yield no results;
• it seems that growth has stopped, despite the time invested;
• fatigue and irritation increase;
• motivation to do anything further decreases;
• there arises a feeling that nothing is working out the way it’s desired.

For mothers and pregnant women, this condition is especially sensitive. The period of motherhood is associated with major life changes, and it’s important to support oneself rather than amplify internal criticism during this time. Comparing oneself to others hinders the ability to see one’s own path, notice actual achievements, and maintain a stable emotional state.

Social media and comparison: why it seems like others have it better

The feeling that others live better and more successfully is related to the fact that we only see the external side of their lives. In social networks and conversations, difficulties, fears, and doubts are rarely discussed. More often, the results are shown – smiles, achievements, beautiful moments.

It is human nature to compare one’s ordinary day to someone else’s best moment. This creates the illusion that others have no problems and achieve success easily. In reality, behind every result are years of experience, trials, and errors that we simply do not know about.

How Comparing to Others Prevents Living Your Own Life

When comparing to others becomes a habit, it starts to drain a lot of energy. Instead of living your own life and noticing what is happening here and now, attention is constantly diverted to others’ achievements. As a result, the sense of self-reliance is lost, and the internal state becomes unstable.

Often, motivation fades due to comparison. It seems that any effort is pointless because someone else always achieves better results. Day by day, a person can do many useful things but still not feel satisfied. This is especially challenging during motherhood, when you have less energy than before, and the need for support becomes greater.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: The First Step

To stop constantly comparing yourself to others, it’s important to first notice this process. Many people start comparing automatically without even realizing it. A thought quickly arises: you see someone else’s success and feel self-doubt. This moment is the first step you can work on.

When you start catching yourself comparing, it’s helpful to ask a simple question: how do I feel right now and why? Such self-attention helps shift focus from others back to your own state and needs. Over time, this reduces the intensity of reactions and gives a sense of control.

How to Focus on Your Achievements: Practical Techniques

One of the most effective ways is to shift attention to your own goals. It’s important not to think abstractly about how you want to live, but to honestly answer the question of what you want right now, in this period of your life. For moms and pregnant women, goals may be small and simple, but they still matter and help restore a sense of support.

The following steps work well in practice:

• Formulate your own goals for the near future without looking at other people;
• Record your achievements, even the smallest ones, in notes or a diary;
• Mark each day’s result to see real progress;
• Limit the flow of information that enhances comparison and decreases motivation.

A separate helpful technique is from CBT – cognitive restructuring. The essence is to catch an automatic thought (for example: “others are doing better, so I’m a bad mom”), check it against the facts, and replace it with a more realistic one (for example: “I’m having a tough time now, but I’m doing enough for my stage and resources”). A convenient format is a short “thought diary”: situation → thought → emotion → evidence for/against → more balanced conclusion. 

Over time, such actions help to perceive oneself and one’s life differently. When attention returns to one’s own experience, it becomes easier to see one’s achievements, feel confident, and maintain inner balance even when there are more successful examples nearby. The goal is not to ignore the results of others, but to appreciate achievements—one’s own, real, corresponding specifically to one’s period of life.

Strengthening Self-Esteem: How to Stop Depending on Others’ Successes

Self-esteem is directly related to how often a person compares themselves to others. When the internal support is weak, any other’s achievement is perceived as confirmation of one’s own inadequacy. Working on self-esteem gradually helps to change this perception.

It’s helpful to frequently remind yourself that everyone has their own path, experiences, and circumstances. What suits one person may not suit another. This is especially important for mothers to remember, as motherhood significantly changes life rhythm and priorities. And yes, it’s okay to sometimes envy others’ successes—it’s not a bad feeling, but a signal that you value support, rest, recognition, or your own goals. You can gently work with envy: notice it, name it, and translate it into a clear request to yourself.

When Professional Help is Needed: Worrying Signals

Sometimes comparing yourself to others becomes so constant that it’s difficult to manage it alone. If feelings of dissatisfaction and anxiety persist for a long time and your state does not improve, it makes sense to consult a psychologist.

Working with a psychologist helps to understand the reasons for comparison more deeply, to deal with internal expectations, and to learn to react differently to the successes of others. This experience often provides lasting results and helps to feel more confident.

Frequently Asked Questions about Comparing Yourself to Others

Why does envy arise when I compare myself to others? 

Envy appears when it seems that others have something that is lacking at the moment. During pregnancy and motherhood, such feelings are intensified due to fatigue and high emotional load.

Is it normal to feel envious of other moms?

Yes, this is a common feeling that many moms experience. It’s important to calmly acknowledge envy and not blame yourself for it.

Are there any rules that help to compare yourself less with others?

Yes, simple rules include limiting content that promotes comparison and focusing on your own goals. These steps gradually help reduce tension and boost self-esteem.

What to do if envy arises constantly?

If envy frequently appears and affects your well-being, it’s worth reducing pressure and reassessing your expectations. In some cases, professional support can be helpful.

Summary

Stopping the comparison of yourself with others is a process that requires time and self-attention. It’s important to remember that your life does not have to conform to others’ scenarios. Everyone has their own pace, goals, and achievements.

When the focus returns to yourself, more calmness, strength, and joy from everyday little things appear. This is especially valuable during pregnancy and motherhood when support and careful treatment of yourself become the foundation of inner balance. If you want to compare yourself to others less and appreciate your achievements more, start with small support here and now. At MomsLab, there are practices for emotional resilience, gentle recommendations for pregnant women and moms, as well as clear steps that help regain your footing without guilt. Visit the site and choose the format that suits your rhythm.